hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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