When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
