You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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