he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
