It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
