i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
