You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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