Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Found the puke drawer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
