This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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