She's JV to your varsity
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize