you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
