I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
