So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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