Me too!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
