If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
