WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
