I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need a beard to bite.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
