She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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