"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He did a backflip because drugs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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