I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize