nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
