I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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