sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
