Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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