We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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