i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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