i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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