Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
