i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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