Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
