I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
