I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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