the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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