Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
