i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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