I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
