for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize