I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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