bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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