i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
