For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
