I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
