Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
