fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize