420 ftw
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Congratulations! We have a period
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