when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
