she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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