After last night, I could never be a politician.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
