That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Screwed.edu
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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