Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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