you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Randomize