Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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