I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
