tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
