Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
