She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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