dude i'm inner monologue high
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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