is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
