my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
