I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
