So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
