I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
