we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
