Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
