Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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