so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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