dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
