i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
