I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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