so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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