Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
