You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize