uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
