i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
MIDGETS
????
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
