I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
