I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So many bounce houses so little time
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize