the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
