We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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