very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
