How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
