I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
