? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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