Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
