Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
