So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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