Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
