My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
