when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
