i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
