It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
