It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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