If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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