So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
