i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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