You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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