i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His hands were made for my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
