i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
