I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
