Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
