not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
