i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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