school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
