yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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