so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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