that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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